discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
