don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
