I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
