they need to just BURY HIM!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
