Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
