tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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