If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize