you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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