4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
