Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
