i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
