We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize