saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
