Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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