Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
