He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
