I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
