well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
