Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
