3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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