My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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