How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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