Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize