Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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