Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Come on in and take your pants off
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