Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
