dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize