so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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