Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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