she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
