she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
