I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
