And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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