btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize