i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
