is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
