Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
