woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
