carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We need a shit load of segways right now
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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