Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
