ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
