i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
