I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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