Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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