Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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