yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
