This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
