do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
