WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so let's talk penis.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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