Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
