do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
