my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
