Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
