i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
