People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize