life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
