Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize