There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
