One girl and one boy is just not enough.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
