i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
