Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
how drunk are you?
Several
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
