I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Randomize
