After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize