there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
