My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
