so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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