If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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