I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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