sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
