and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
