he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
