K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
