we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think my moral compass just broke
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
