But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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