I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
