I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
two words: eviction party
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize