her vagine was all disorganized.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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