I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
