He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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