if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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