I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
