The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
