If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
