He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
