dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
