just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
