If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We were destined to go to rehab together
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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