next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My pussy is not your playground.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
