Yo dont text me then not text me
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
